BROKEN HEARTED LOVERS' STEW
by
Benny Hill

And there's a heartache and a memory and just a tear or two
In a broken-hearted lovers' stew

There are nine carrots to remind me of the ring I bought for you
Some mint for all the crazy things that we 'mint' to do
A lettuce, 'cause your Mum and Dad would not 'lettuce' alone
I won't put in the truffles, you've got truffles of your own

An artichoke for the hearty jokes your father used to tell
And as he was a Welshman we'll have a leek as well
And your cousin, the religious one, so sanctimonious
For him some loafs and fishes 'cause that's all he ever does

And there's a heartache and a memory and just a tear or two
In a broken-hearted lovers' stew

There's a radish 'cause you kept repeating that your love was true
A beetroot for the time I said that I'd beetroot to you
Some shallots for the time I said I love you such shallot
Some capers to remind me of what up to which we got

A turnip for the way you always used to turnip late
A melon for the melon-choly way I used to wait
A chilli for how I felt as I waited for you
And a marrow to remind me of what I was frozen to

And there's a heartache and a memory and just a tear or two
In a broken-hearted lovers' stew

There's a swede to remind me of the man you left for me
An egg because you used to egg me on incessantly
And your little baby brother, what a messy little kid
For him some wine and water, 'cause that's all he ever did

Oh, I was fond of olives and you liked herbs I know
I gave up seeing Olive but Herb didn't want to go
So for the man who won you, there is one thing I must do
Put in some sage and onions 'cause he wants stuffing too

And there's a heartache and a memory and just a tear or two
In a broken-hearted lovers' stew