WHEN FATHER LAID THE CARPET ON THE STAIRS
by
Nelson Jackson

We all stood round attentive, father's orders for to take,
And not a word was whispered, such a fuss did father make,
Although with smothered chuckles all our little ribs did ache,
When father laid the carpet on the stairs.

First one of us he sent away to purchase carpet tacks,
Another one for carpet thread, and one to bring bees-wax;
And one to find the hammer, and the gimlet, and the axe
When father laid the carpet on the stairs.

Then father grabbed the carpet and he took it to the top,
The roll was rather heavy and so father let it drop.
But the carpet slithered down, it didn't seem to want stop,
And father slithered with it down the stairs.

Then father rubbed his funny bone, and father rubbed his knee,
And if anyone was laughing, father glared around to see.
And though we were nearly throttled still we bottled up our glee,
When father laid the carpet on the stairs.

Then father tried unrolling it, and climbing bit by bit,
He got it right up to the top and stooped to make it fit,
Then perhaps it was an accident, or perhaps to show his grit,
He tobogganed on his waistcoat down the stairs.

We all of us enjoyed it, it was bliss without alloy
Although to show our mirth we were naturally coy.
And mother went behind the pantry door to hide her joy -
When the carpet laid poor father on the stairs.

After superhuman struggles, father got the carpet spread,
He tried to drive a tack in, but he hit his thumb instead,
He dropped the hammer with a grunt, and oh! the things he said,
When father laid the carpet on the stairs.

Then father used some language that is not in common use,
And the hammer and the tacks and things he covered with abuse,
And father, he consigned the stairs and carpet to the Deuce,
So mother laid the carpet on the stairs.