SUZY
by
Benny Hill

Now it was just ten years ago, when I was seventeen
I came to the city, searching for a dream
Now I wandered down into Soho, They said it was always done
At three o'clock in the morning in search of innocent fun
But I wish I heeded the warning I got from my Ma and Pa
They said, "Son, keep away from the girls at the Suzy Bar!"

"Now the ladies inside, they play all kinds of games,"
Said the girl at the door, with pride
I thought she meant games like tiddlywinks,
So I ventured on inside.
She said, "Some of them are naughty girls!"
And ooh, that started me thinking
I might catch one of them having a tiddle
When she ought to be winking!
But I wish I heeded the warning I got from my Ma and Pa
They said, "Son, keep away from the girls at the Suzy Bar!"

Now Suzy she came and she sat next to me,
Her complexion was just like a rose
But I couldn't help noticing a little mark
Across the bridge of her nose
She said, "That mark that you're staring at;
Why it was caused through glasses, my dear!"
I said, "Why don't you use contact lenses?"
She said, "They don't hold enough beer!!"
Oh I wish I heeded the warning, I got from my Ma and Pa
They said, "Son, keep away from the girls at the Suzy Bar!"

Now Suzy, she took me upstairs
To her room and she handed me the key
She said, "This room's to be let as it stands
With all that you can see"
"And are you to be let with the room?" said I,
In a most ambiguous tone
She said, "I am not to be let with the room;
I'm to be let alone!"
Oh I wish I heeded the warning, I got from my Ma and Pa
They said, "Son, keep away from the girls at the Suzy Bar!"

Oh that was oh so many years ago,
Now Suzy, she is my wife
And I've often said that the day that we wed
Was the happiest day of my life
Why, I gave the preacher a five pound note,
He looked at me kinda strange
And then he saw my Suzy
And he gave me four pound change!
But I'm glad I ignored the warning, I got from my Ma and Pa
'Cause now I live a life of ease, I smoke a big cigar
I ride in a big fast car, I live just like a Tsar
On champagne and caviar...
And those beautiful wonderful girls of the Suzy bar