THE PIG!
by
Benjamin Hapgood Burt

performed
by
Frank Crumit

One evening in October,
When I was one-third sober,
An' taking home a ‘load' with manly pride;
My poor feet began to stutter,
So I lay down in the gutter,
And a pig came up an' lay down by my side;

I also well remember,
An evening in November,
When I was creeping home at break of day,
For in my exhilaration,
I engaged in conversation,
With a cab horse on the corner of Broadway.

I was filled up to the eyeballs,
With a flock of gin and highballs,
So I whispered to the cab horse old and grey,
'It's these all-night homeward marches,
Give us both our fallen arches',
And the cab horse laughed and slowly walked away.

As the old horse laughed and slowly walked away,
Slowly walked away, he slowly walked away,
And the old horse laughed and it turned and winked at me
As he slowly walked away
As he slowly walked away.

Last two verses courtesy of Ray Smith

THE INSULTED PIG
by
Anon



Old Billy Bump, while out on a lark,
Was in a gutter laid;
Near by, a swine, with visage dark,
His humble couch had made.

Someone passed by and with a groan
This peaceful pair espied;
He glanced and with a solomn tone,
This ditty forth he sighed:

"How fitly matched! each calm and free
With heavy breathing sleeps;
And each to know, you need but see
What company he keeps."

The man slept on, his giddy brain
Of sober thought bereft;
But still the slur produced a pain...
The hog got up and left.