This is a story based on fact
About a famous conjuror's act.
The conjuror to our delight
Would saw a girl in half each night
And whilst we cheered with might and main
Would quickly make her one again.
Well, one day a tragic thing occurred
He could not find the magic word
To make the two parts one again
So in two parts he left poor Jane.
Well when they rang the curtain down
The lady's top half with a frown
Said "Here's a proper how d'you do
I don't like being left in two."
And said with tears upon her face,
"I think the whole thing's a disgrace!"
He answered her "Be patient dear"
But when a month passed, then a year
And still he had to her admit
He couldn't quite remember it.
She angrily began to call
Him words not magical at all
And through her teeth began to hiss
"My union shall hear of this"
And telling him he'd gone too far
Reported him to her Mama.
Her Mother called... a Mrs. Grumps
And said "You'll marry her... both lumps"
So to the Church he took his bride
And people came from far and wide
To hear the Parson there, what fun
Murmuring now you three are one.