Cuthbert Bostril
by
Cyril Fletcher
This is the tale of Cuthbert Bostril 
Who thought he'd only use one nostril 
So he made himself a sort of cover 
To stop him breathing through the other.
And so he wondered 'round the place 
Wearing a muzzle on his face 
Until he met Euphemia Muck 
The barmaid at the Dog & Duck. 
Euphemia loved him from the start 
And told him frankly, 'Have a heart' 
Remove that gadget from your clock,
In other words, your nose unblock.' 
Ahh! such was love it made him weaken, 
He took the shutter off his beak 'n' 
Wedding bells rang out with Cuth' 
Letting both nostrils do their stuff. 
Alas, alack their bliss was short, 
'Ere very long our Cuthbert thought, 
He'd buy an eye-shield and then try, 
To read the paper with one eye,
And then Euphemia saw with fear 
He'd cotton wool stuffed in one ear, 
And then he bought a sort of peg 
And started walking on one leg.
So Euphemia took the only course 
And being granted her divorce 
Married a bloke named Arnold Stout, 
What didn't muck himself about.
The end