Freddy Fuss
by
Cyril Fletcher
This is the tale of Freddy Fuss 
Who bought a double decker bus 
And to his wife, one known as Kate, 
Said, 'This will do to live in mate.
No rent to pay not even fares, 
So 'op on quick-get up them stairs.' 
They bought wallpaper, paste and paint! 
They made it look like what it ain't.
With Tudor beams and plaster pink 
All mod cons plus Kitchen Sink. 
No 'Mon Repos' upon the gate 
They had a destination plate.
And Mrs. Fred would lounge in bed 
With 'Do not Spit' above her head. 
One day when Kate was in her bath, 
She thought... 'I'll do it for a larf'
And with abandon-sad to tell 
Stretched up her arm and rang the bell. 
Her husband in the driving seat. 
Drove at fifty down the street.
With Katie yelling, 'Stop you beast!' 
And soap suds round her Aidgate East 
But on it rushed as buses do 
Until a low bridge hove in view.
T'was thus that Kate and Freddy Fuss 
Came to own a top-less bus. 
In other words at one fell blow 
Their bus became a bungalow.
Whilst Katie, nude, without much hope 
Tried to camouflage herself with soap. 
Yelling to Fred, 'Now you've gone too far 
Where do you suggest I put the loo-far?'
A passing postman, somewhat coarse 
Said, 'If she's Godiva where's 'er 'orse?!' 
Fred cried, 'Here's my boob for all to see 
And with yours uncovered that makes three!
A boy on a push-bike started shrieking, 
'Cor! Look at that there lady... streaking.' 
The latest news is Freddy Fuss 
Now owns a single decker bus 
Whilst Mrs. Fuss his better half 
Wears a bikini in her barf.
The end