Jeremiah Jerk
by
Cyril Fletcher
Now hear of Jeremiah Jerk
Who started dreaming of his work 
Which for a butcher in his prime 
Would seem disjointed overtime. 
Each night he'd get up in his sleep 
And grab his missus like a sheep, 
Then on the bedrail with a frown 
Would deftly hang her upside-down, 
And stick a ticket by the point 
Quite firmly in her plumpest joint. 
Then in a voice which trade entices 
Would quote the latest fat-stock prices. 
Then in his very loudest voice
Shout 'Kidneys - fourpence - aint they choice!'
Which made his missus loudly weep 
She thought the price was much too cheap. 
At last with salesmanship quite bold 
He'd smack her brisket, shouting 'Sold!'
And then to finish off his caper
Would wrap her up in bits of paper. 
But one night with disgruntled look 
He slung her on her usual hook,
And in a tone which made her bristle 
Said, 'This 'ere seems all bone and gristle. 
I can't sell this old alligator!' 
So bunged her in the refrigerator. 
There in a solid lump she froze
With icicles dripping from her nose. 
So now poor Jerry much annoyed 
Can't sleep because he's unemployed. 
He's got no joints to muck about 
Until he's thawed the Missus out.
The end