JEREMIAH JERK
by
Cyril Fletcher

Now hear of Jeremiah Jerk
Who started dreaming of his work
Which for a butcher in his prime
Would seem disjointed overtime.
Each night he'd get up in his sleep
And grab his missus like a sheep,
Then on the bedrail with a frown
Would deftly hang her upside-down,
And stick a ticket by the point
Quite firmly in her plumpest joint.
Then in a voice which trade entices
Would quote the latest fat-stock prices.
Then in his very loudest voice
Shout "Kidneys - fourpence - aint they choice!"
Which made his missus loudly weep
She thought the price was much too cheap.
At last with salesmanship quite bold
He'd smack her brisket, shouting "Sold!"
And then to finish off his caper
Would wrap her up in bits of paper.
But one night with disgruntled look
He slung her on her usual hook,
And in a tone which made her bristle
Said, "This 'ere seems all bone and gristle.
I can't sell this old alligator!"
So bunged her in the refrigerator.
There in a solid lump she froze
With icicles dripping from her nose.
So now poor Jerry much annoyed
Can't sleep because he's unemployed.
He's got no joints to muck about
Until he's thawed the Missus out.