Mavis Holly
by
Cyril Fletcher
In a supermarket, Mavis Holly
Put her son, Fred, in the shopping trolley,
Then round the store she pushed her load,
Whilst he like Boadicea rode.
And neighbours yelled, 'See yer tomorrer,
Here's Mavis with her little horror!'
As Mavis selected a pork chop
Her son pushed off around the shop.
He tore a passing lady's stocking
Bruised the Manager's yoghurt something shocking
And Mavis not knowing what was on,
Yelled, 'Where's me flipping basket gone?'
To which Fred answered, 'Never fear
Your little basket's over 'ere.
I'm by the biscuits (he did frown)
I think biscuits will be coming down!'
The Manager, gazing at the heap
Wrote 'Broken biscuits going cheap!'
Then he made a grab at Fred, whose swerves
With increased speed passed the hors d'oeuvres
The Cashier yelled 'Hi what's the caper?'
As he stole 12 packs of toilet paper.
Then trying to dodge the assistant, Winnie
Ripped all the buttons off her pinny.
Which brought a round of loud applause
From all the husbands in the stores.
Then young Fred pushed harder with his legs
And landed in some new-laid eggs.
The Manager whimpered 'Listen, son,
You've had your little bit of fun.'
And before he finished with a sob
An over-ripe melon hit his gob.
Then sliding on an olive oil slick
Fell upon his prunes in aspic.
To Mavis he said 'Leave the store,
And don't fetch him in anymore.
Crestfallen Mavis shook young Fred
And joined a queue with two ahead.
Fred tried to look scarce and mollified,
Hid at the bottom of the trolley (silly rhyme)
O'er Fred hung down in the dark interior
There hung a female's large posterior.
And as they queued there bumper to bumper
He shoved a French loaf up her jumper!
When Mavis get home (give her a cheer)
She practised self-service on Fred's ear.
He's banned now from inside the store
Tied up with the dogs outside the door.
He once made a St. Bernard Dizzy
And keeps the R.S.P.C.A. quite busy.
The end