Mildred Stunt
by
Cyril Fletcher
When pillion riding Mildred Stunt
Would put her coat on back to front,
She cried 'Worn thus about my form,
It keeps me tonsils nice and warm!'
One day unseen she came a cropper,
And was discovered by a copper,
Who, seeing her coat, cried, 'So help me Granny.
You've turned out a bit uncanny!'
Then seizing her head in a bound,
He gave it a wrench and turned it round.
Her boy came up and said 'I find,
This is the girl I left behind.'
The cop replied 'It ain't discreet,
To look for bruises on my beat,
But her neck was twisted - now you'll note,
I've turned it round to match her coat.'
Then, coming to, Mildred arose,
And with her hanky, sought her nose,
But groping round she found instead,
The nether portion of her head.
Then glancing down all of a twitter,
Her startled gaze fell on her sitter.
She yelled with eyes bloodshot and glassy
'I'm facing backwards on me chassis.'
Then Mildred cried 'It's plain now Walter,
That your footsteps to the Altar falter!'
He vowed 'For that my feet won't yearn,
I wouldn't know which way to turn.'
Then off he went in his dismay,
Whilst she wept all down her vertebrae.
Then romance in a suit of blue,
Cried 'Wouldn't a bloomin' policeman do?
Though you're walking off - it's plain to see
You can't help looking back at me!'
So to P.C. Parker Mildred's wed,
She wed the man who turned her head.
The end