Norah Gutt
by
Cyril Fletcher
Whilst serving lunch poor Norah Gutt,
Let the serving hatch fall on her nut.
She gasped 'Oh look me conk is flat in
The beans on toast and cheese au gratin!'
Her husband smiling at their guest
Wiped the baked beans off his chest
And shouted 'Norah, don't be rude,
That's not the way to dish up food!'
His spouse cried, 'Bean spots can be cleaned,
But get me out... I'm guillotined!'
Her husband said 'I bet that lot is
An awful weight on your epiglottis.'
She said 'To get on with me work I'm itchin'
I'm all behind out in the kitchen!'
Then through the hatch she tried to jump
Got her torso through, but not her ... back. 
Their washer-up said, 'What a sight
The moon's up early ducks tonight.'
Then to pull her through she did her best,
At the other side pulled spouse and guest.
She hollered, 'You've been and failed
to get me through
And now you've jerked me right in two.
I'm like a cracker only more so
You've snapped me 'ead clean off me torso'
At which her husband gave a laugh
And cried, 'Which is the better half?
You've fairly come unstuck today
I'll 'ave to thread yer vertebrae.'
So straight into the vice went Norah
Whilst hubby sewed her bonce on for her.
Then added he, 'To stop it wearin'
I'll fix it with a roller bearin'.'
So now when home from work he's toiled
By her 'bearing' knows if she's well oiled.
But he now lives in a constant dread
That another man might turn her head. 
The end