Willie Plank
by
Cyril Fletcher
This is the tale of Willie Plank,
Who learned to drive an Army tank,
And, feeling very pleased with life,
He drove it home to show his wife.
And said 'Old Fannie won't half laugh
To see me coming up the parf.'
Alas, for Willie's bright idea,
For, as he changed to second gear,
He gasped 'Coo' strewf- I won't half cop it,
I never asked 'em how to stop it!'
He crashed his way through garden wall
Across the lawn and through the hall,
And mounting to the second floor,
Went rumbling through the bathroom door,
Behind of which his better half
Was sitting knees-up in the barf.
Poor Fannie Plank, annoyed and shocked,
Said 'Blimey, and it never knocked.' 
Then covered up her girlish blushes
With loofah, towel and scrubbing brushes.
Meanwhile the tank, to its disgrace,
Heaved bath and inmate into space,
And rumbled down the stairs non-stop
With Fannie Plank perched high on top,
Trying to don a bathroom rug
With one foot caught up in the plug,
A dab of soap upon her snout,
And draughts all up the plughole spout!
They rattled slowly down the hill,
Where people gazed, as people will,
And yelled, 'Coo look' and some said, 'Cor!
It's weapons week to help the war.'
So quickly passing round the cap,
They tossed their coins in Fannie's lap.
At length the tank came to a stop
And Fanny clambered off the top,
In bath-rug, towel and loofah dressed
And five and fourpence on her chest.
The end