Willie Wapshots
by
Cyril Fletcher
This is the tale of Willie Wapshots 
So very fond of taking snapshots, 
Who asked his fiancee-rather rude, 
To pose genteely in the nude. 
She said 'I do not query whether 
You should snap my altogether.
But let's make it refined and simple
And don't forget to take my dimple.'
So as he rushed floodlights to switch on,
She blushingly stood without a stitch on.
And chose poses pleasant and not naughty
Seven by the piano-forte.
Three by the cooker, so bewitchin,
Frying mushrooms in the kitchen.
And though she had to oust the cat, 
One by 'Welcome' on the mat. 
The film complete a problem hinted 
Where was he to get it printed?
The results he knew would be delectable 
But the local shop was so respectable. 
Then as a magazine advised, 
He saw a firm who advertised. 
He sent it off and patiently 
After three weeks he eagerly 
Opened the pack-and did he yell-he 
Cried, 'These photos ain't my Nellie!'
Had they done this to him on purpose? 
Pictures of three clergymen-each in surplice. 
He sent them back and in a note 
Most angrily these words he wrote 
'I did not take these holy Bruffers, 
Mine were of Nellie in her buffers.'
A few days passed, the postman brought 
The package that poor Willie sought 
His photos and a note were seen 
They fell from the parish magazine.
The photos checked, he took the book out,
'The Church of Luke upon the Lookout'
The note said, 'The Reverend Theopholis Knott 
Would like one copy of the lot. 
My curate, the Reverend Phineas Flatt, 
Wants two of Welcome on the mat. 
Whilst l, the Reverend Jethro Bloater 
Would like the lady in the photer 
Undressed as all her photos are 
To come and open our bazaar. 
We'll say, in case the ladies wail, 
She gave her clothes to the jumble sale. 
Nothing else could stand in parity. 
To such an act of bare faced charity.'
The end