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Monologues
 

CONFUCIUS AND ME!
by
Pam Davies
©

Now me and that fella' Confucius, we've got such a lot that's the same,
We've got so much knowledge, without help of college and also without help of brain!
When I was born in the forties, I seemed to inspire quite a few,
To start their inventing from labs they were renting and bring that old world something new.
Soon they refined penicillin, my chest was ever so glad,
Gone was the poultice that rivalled the solstice and third degree burns it made bad.
Then they brought jet to the engine, that was a wonderful thing,
Such an improvement, to comfort and movement, on balsa wood tied up with string.
Next came the black and white telly, changing the lives of us all,
Queen's Coronation, excited the nation, and was the first 'fly on the wall'!
Queen had a lot on her mind then, with Hillary climbing that hill!
Then 'Coronated', with 'hat' that was weighted with diamonds and rubies from 'Phil'!
No more the food would go mouldy, refrigerator was born!
Ice cream and icicles, sold out of bicycles, no chance of it getting warm.
Things started happening daily, full revolution came soon,
When flabbergasted, we saw rocket blasted, depositing man on the moon!
So me and Confucius I reckon, knew how to make people think.
I seemed to do it by just being born and him with a nod and a wink.
'Course old Confucius, he say many things, and all of 'em wiser than me,
'Cause I can inspire 'em, and greatly admire 'em, but never be clever as he.
Mind, we have one thing in common, me and the inscrutable sage,
The people think we are quite different in brain but of totally similar AGE!!

 
 
 
PAM AYRES
They Should Have Asked My Husband
The Embarassing Experience With A Parrot
Oh! I Wish I'd Looked After My Teeth
Oh No!... I Got A Cold
Do I Have To Be Sexy At Sixy
The Wonderbra
Clive The Fearless Birdman
 
GRACIE FIELDS
Heaven Will Protect An Honest Girl
I Took My Harp To A Party
The Biggest Aspidistra In The World
She Fought Like A Tiger For Her Honour
Walter, Walter, Lead Me To The Altar
In My Little Bottom Drawer

Keeping Up With The Jones
Mrs Binns's Twins
 
JOYCE GRENFELL
Ethel
Three Brothers
Stately As A Galleon
Any Messages, Mrs. Bolster?
Nursery - Nativity Play
Nursery - Going Home Time
Nursery - Free Activity Period
Nursery - Flowers
Nursery - Sing Song Time
Nursery - Story Time
 
NELLIE WALLACE
Under The Bed
Let's Have A Tiddley