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Monologues
 

DON'T GIVE UP
by
Pam Davies
©

I had a funny sort of start and back when I was young,
I had a funny sort of eye that shunned the other one.
It wandered, sort of on it's own, and sometimes I suppose,
It wandered t'ward the other one, and met it at the nose!
"Oh!" they said, "You got a squint, we've just the thing for you!"
And gave me small round glasses, that had small round lenses too.
Then they took some plaster, and they stuck it on the lens.
(I knew it wouldn't be the key to making lots of friends!)
But they hadn't finished yet, they looked upon my feet.
They noted that they joined my legs, which weren't exactly neat!
And then they said, "You need a boot! Your leg will be much straighter."
(I knew where I'd place the boot, but thought I'd tell them later.)
So now, I'm Quasiemodo, with a boot and glasses both.
(Not much chance Prince Charming would be plighting me his troth!)
But I soldiered on and formed affinity of course,
Not with the other children, but more with the milkman's horse!
Then one happy day the glasses up and disappeared.
Life was not as fruitless as it one time had appeared.
Followed swiftly by the boot, now things were looking up.
Something runneth over and it might just be MY cup!
The eyes had formed a friendship, and the feet were cosy too,
The glasses found a dustbin and the foot had found a shoe.
I have found Prince Charming, so it only goes to show,
No matter how bad things appear, you really never know!

 
 
 
PAM AYRES
They Should Have Asked My Husband
The Embarassing Experience With A Parrot
Oh! I Wish I'd Looked After My Teeth
Oh No!... I Got A Cold
Do I Have To Be Sexy At Sixy
The Wonderbra
Clive The Fearless Birdman
 
GRACIE FIELDS
Heaven Will Protect An Honest Girl
I Took My Harp To A Party
The Biggest Aspidistra In The World
She Fought Like A Tiger For Her Honour
Walter, Walter, Lead Me To The Altar
In My Little Bottom Drawer

Keeping Up With The Jones
Mrs Binns's Twins
 
JOYCE GRENFELL
Ethel
Three Brothers
Stately As A Galleon
Any Messages, Mrs. Bolster?
Nursery - Nativity Play
Nursery - Going Home Time
Nursery - Free Activity Period
Nursery - Flowers
Nursery - Sing Song Time
Nursery - Story Time
 
NELLIE WALLACE
Under The Bed
Let's Have A Tiddley