For years and years I've been a lonely spinster on the shelf,
I'm right fed up with spending all me wages on meself.
I'm all prepared for married life - its secrets I've been taught
And here's some little odds and ends I've been and gorn and bought.

One bridal gown - one eiderdown,
I've been saving 'em up since eighteen ninety-four,
Got me ribbons and me bows and me these and thems and those
All packed up in my little bottom drawer.

One baby's cot - one flower pot
Where I've planted a rambling rose bush for the door;
Got a motto for the wall - it says `Heaven 'elp us all' -
All packed up in my little bottom drawer.

Got a pianer under the staircase
And I'm teaching meself to play the `Maiden's Prayer'.
One toilet set - one basinette,
Now I'm waiting for love to open up the door.
Got me Aristotle's works and a case of eggs from Pearks.
All packed up in my little bottom drawer.

I've answered ev'ry advert in the Matrimonial Times,
I've bought me own confetti and a set of wedding chimes.
At night I count me treasures, just to see they haven't strayed;
I'm very patriotic, ev'ry one is British made.
One cheffoneer - one keg o' beer
And some orange and purple lino for the floor.
Got a new pyjama set made of bright red flannelette,
All packed up in my little bottom drawer.

One Persian rug - one china jug
And some beautiful silver ware from Woolworth's store,
With a book by Doctor Fife, 'How To Be A Perfect Wife',
All packed up in my little bottom drawer.

We'll have a bathroom Oh! what a bathroom
With a wonderful bath where we can keep the coals.
Horse-shoe for luck... pail for the muck
And a President Hoover's cleaner for the floor.
If the plans go all to pot, I can sell the bloomin' lot...
All packed up in my little bottom drawer.