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Monologues
 

THE TREADMILL
by
Pam Davies
©

They put me on a treadmill and there's nothing wrong with that,
If you don't use a walking stick and you don't wear a hat!
"I'll set it to it's slowest point", the young man said to me,
"So that you can, keep up with it and use it easily!"
"Hold on here to this front rail, it's there to keep you steady."
"Right, I'm going to turn it on. Now, are you set and ready?"
"Yes" I said, (a silent prayer was spoken in my mind),
Praying that I might keep up and not be left behind.
But on this day, it was the day, God had no time to listen,
Because the answer to my prayer, was definitely missing!
Off I went, the feet went back, and slightly to the right,
And holding on the rail in front, it flew me like a kite!
"Take longer strides !" I heard him shout, my efforts to disparage.
But I was busy coping, with my loss of undercarriage!
Measuring my heart rate, I must say, no longer key.
I could feel the undertaker, as he measured me.
I could see the headlines in the local 'Bugle" call.
"Woman killed by treadmill, as she flys of through the wall!"
But there was a saviour, as my lungs began to cough,
Don't worry", yelled the young man, "I'm just going to turn it off!!"

 
 
 
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Clive The Fearless Birdman
 
GRACIE FIELDS
Heaven Will Protect An Honest Girl
I Took My Harp To A Party
The Biggest Aspidistra In The World
She Fought Like A Tiger For Her Honour
Walter, Walter, Lead Me To The Altar
In My Little Bottom Drawer

Keeping Up With The Jones
Mrs Binns's Twins
 
JOYCE GRENFELL
Ethel
Three Brothers
Stately As A Galleon
Any Messages, Mrs. Bolster?
Nursery - Nativity Play
Nursery - Going Home Time
Nursery - Free Activity Period
Nursery - Flowers
Nursery - Sing Song Time
Nursery - Story Time
 
NELLIE WALLACE
Under The Bed
Let's Have A Tiddley