G.H. Goodwin
Alfred the Great
When Edward the Third were King of England 
'E were a very proud dad
'E 'ad a son same name as 'imself 
'Oo at fightin' were a bit of a lad.

When 'e were at school ... Eton of course, 
'Cos that's where all t'nob's sons go, 
'E were always in trouble with other lads, 
Always ready to get in t'first blow.

'My lad will go far' said King Edward.
''E'll lead England's foes such a dance'. 
An' just to show 'ow far 'e would go 
Sent 'im with an army to France.

Leadin' an army was up Eddie's street, 
At fightin' 'e were never at loss. 
'Right lads', 'e shouted, wavin' 'is sword, 
'Let's show these Frenchies 'oo's boss'.

Through France 'e went with 'is army, 
Everything went with a swing. 
Apart from knockin' t'French army for six,' 
'E went an' captured their king.

'That lad of mine', said King Edward 
'Is a right chip off the old block, 
When 'e comes 'ome I'll reward 'im 
With summat from t'royal sock'.

'You'll do nowt of sort' said 'is wife, 
'Givin' 'im money like that 
''E'll only spend it on women and drink 
And tha won't even buy me a new 'at'.

'I've got to reward 'im' said Edward,
'After all I am 'is dad.' 
'Tha's only got my word for that' said Queen 
'But I do know 'e is my lad'. 

'All right' said Edward, taken aback, 
'Avin' 'ad wind taken from 'is sails,
'I'll give 'im summat that costs nowt 
I'll make 'im Prince of Wales'.

'That's the ticket' said the Queen, 
'Of course, these Welshmen will shout. 
They're always causin' trouble for us. 
Our Eddie will soon sort 'em out'.

'That's not the idea' said Edward, 
'It's more of a peaceful role 
Welsh are quite 'appy these days,
They even sing while they're diggin' coal'

Now t'Welsh weren't 'appy about t'Prince
'Im not bein' one of their race. 
'If we've got to 'ave a Prince' said one, 
'We'll 'ave one 'oo works on t'coal face'.

King 'eard wot was bein' said, 
An' said 'I'll give 'em short thrift'. 
'Nay dad', said 'is son, 'Don't bother, 
I'll go down on t'afternoon shift'.

So t'Prince took 'is place in t'pit 
An' dug coal with t'miners down there. 
'Tha's a good 'un' said one in Welsh. 
'Tha can be our Prince for all we care'.

When t'Prince got to t'palace that night 
Sentry tried to grab 'im.
'Thee get round back' sentry said, 
'This place isn't Uncle Tom's Cabin'.

'Thee watch it lad' said t'Prince,
'Or else thy'll finish up in t'tower,
Underneath this coaldust is t'Prince of Wales
'Oo's been 'umpin' coal for one groat an hour'.

When t 'Queen saw t'state of 'er lad
It really made 'er wince.
'By gum' she said, 'Tha's a mucky sight.
I reckon they'll call thee t'Black Prince'.

An' that's 'ow Eddie got 'is name 
Never mind wot 'istory books say. 
If 'e'd 'ad a bath before 'e went 'ome 
We'd never of 'eard of 'im today. 
The end