But at the back of the bus things were being discussed
And by this time Joe and Mary weren't speaking.

After a day on the booze, Joe was singin the blues
Well actually, he was joining in wi' 'Wild Rover'
Mary grabbed at his hand, she says "I don't feel too grand,
I think you and me'd best stop over!"

After they'd piled all the gang back on Bills Charabanc
They went wandering the streets for a bed
And at quarter to three, they found a cheap B&B
But, "I'm sorry we're full up!" the bloke said

"I've got no rooms" he said "But I've got this bit shed,
It's quite dry and there's plenty hay in it."
Mary shouts "That'll do.! and then she went, "Ooh!"
She says, "Me contractions are every three minutes!"

Bloke says, "Hang on a tick, I know a shepherd called Mick,
He's a dab hand at lambing and that,
He'll know what to do, I've seen him wi' ewes,
And he helped Mrs Nicholson's cat."

It was early that morn' that the baby was born
And three wise men from the west wandered in
  They said, "For summat so young, he's a fine pair of lungs,
You can hear it a mile away, that din!"

One of 'em had a runny nose and when he came close
He looked like Persian or Mesopotamian
Just then he sneezes and Mary shouts "Jesus!"
Joe says "Write that down, it's better than Damien."

While wiping his eyes Joe says, "That's not too wise,
You could give the poor bugger your cold."
He says, "No, yer okay, I'm just allergic to hay."
Then he handed over a bag full of gold.

Joe says, "That's very kind are you sure you don't mind,
Thanks a lot, hey, this isn't too bad."
He looked at Mary and kid and said
"Well I never did, I could get used to this being a dad."

He says, "It's brilliant is this!" He gave Mary a kiss
And went off to phone Auntie Barbara
Thinking, "Bethlehem's quite nice but I'll not do this twice,
Next year we're going to Scarborough!"
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