"You should try eatin' grass" He says "No thanks, I'll pass,
You think you've had it bad? Well that's nowt"

"You should try eatin' beansprout like I have to do
And a brew that's made out of sprout juice,
You see me brother's away doin' the pantos,
And he left me to look after the goose"

"You've a goose?" says young Jack, quite taken aback
"You'll have plenty of eggs you can eat"
"Huh, not this stupid goose. It lays eggs that's no use"
Says Kevin "You'll just break yer teeth"

"Wow, these eggs are gold" says Jack "Get em sold,
Yer rich. Why not go to the shops?"
"There's no shops up here, no pubs no beer,
Gawd I'd kill for a nice big pork chop"

Says Jack "Right, here's a plan. You come meet me Mam,
Sell some eggs and we'll all take a share,
And we'll all live like Lords, you'll have free bed and board,
Bring the goose and we'll keep it down there"
  So Kevin and Jack and the goose all went back
Down t'beansprout where Masie meanwhile
Had watched 'em descend an' said "Ooh, who's yer friend?"
And she straightened her curlers and smiled

It were love at first sight in spite of 'is height
And 'is tights and 'is curly toed shoes
And she found him a lot more attractive
When Jack told her all of 'is news

They lived happy ever after did Masie and Kev
Once they'd chopped down the beansprout 'n' that
In case 'is brother should decide to climb down it
To find out where Kevin were at

They swapped Daisy for three tons of beansprout
Which Mister Wong won't get through in a hurry
Thereby savin' the poor cow from a fate that somehow
Befalls cows that are destined for curry.

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