Sergeant sent for a brew and a Rich-Tea or two
As the whole carry-on were revealed

Now Snowy, by the way, were called Colin
And to the Sergeant he had a bit banter
He said, "Right enough, I'm not from round here,
I'm from t'North pole just next door to Santa's"

"It were the night before Christmas there's a knock on me door,
And there stood a couple of elves,
They said Santa wants to know if you can come and help out?
I says me? But I'm ten foot twelve"

They'd said "No, he doesn't want you for one of his elves,
He wants you to come guide the sleigh,
Poor Rudolph's in bed" "That's not like him" Colin said
"Going muckin' up Santa's big day"

"It weren't him it were Olive, the other reindeer,
She were laughin' and calling him names,
There were a big fight broke out and she knocked him out,
For trying to join in wi' reindeer games"
  So Colin the polar bear agreed right away
To help Santa out with his plight
And a few hours later he were heading the team
Of twelve reindeers as they up and took flight

He were a big lad were Colin, they got done double quick
"There's only a few left to do!"
Shouts Santa as they flew over Drizzlethorpe
It were then Colin noticed the Zoo

It were a sign saying 'Polar Bear' that first caught his eye
And a swimming pool, looked flippin' fantastic
There were even a good looking female sat there
On an iceberg that were made out of plastic

So he'd a quick word wi' Santa and said "D'you mind,
If instead of going home, I stopped here?"
Santa just sniggered and said "That were t'plan,
I got this letter and I had an idea"

"It were from that lassie sat sittin on th'iceberg,
She din't want a doll or a pup,
All she wanted were a boyfriend for Christmas,
And you're far too big to wrap up!"
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