Gary Hogg
  There's a farm up ower yon top side
That's all wheatfields and barley and that
It's got acres and acres of turnips
And it's owned by Lord Proglington-Matt

Now old Cecil Maughan was bringing in corn
Slap bang in the middle o'the crop
The corn was as high as an elephants eye
When his tractor suddenly spluttered and stopped

He'd had bother with his fuel pipe all morning
Kept coming off and driving him mad
But this time it come off, there was a dirty great whuff
And the whole bloody thing took a ha'ad

There was flames licking all round the paintwork
Burning petrol all ower the shop
And with a wind from the north blowin for all it was worth
It soon took a ha'ad to the crop

Now, Lord Proglington-Matt had just tied his cravat
And lifted the latch on his door
He was just leaving the house to bag a few grouse
Impervious to what the day had in store
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