Then his lungs filled wi' smoke and he started to choke
As he looked and saw what was gan' on
So he shouts to his maid "Phone the Fire Brigade"
Which was daft, cos there isn't a one

Well, there isn't as such, but she looked at her watch
And phoned the Rivetter's to speak to her Dad
She says "Tell the volunteers to put down their beers,
Lord Prog's bottom field's caught a ha'ad"

So her dad shouts for Joe to give the siren a blow
Thus alerting the rest of the crew
They all ran up the woods where the fire truck was stood
And had been since before World War Two

Now in charge of the mob was Benny the Gob
A fully-qualified hoover repairman
And second in command was the Kleeneze man
Who was also part-time Concert Chairman

They booled the truck down from the top of the hill
The engine spluttered and burst into life
And through a cloud of blue smoke, on jumped eight blokes
Two Girl Guides and the Minister's wife
  They were a right motley crew but they'd just have to do
And with old Jessop ringing the bell
They flew out of the town trying not to slow down
Cos they needed a good run at the hill.

But when they reached the long drag up towards Stotty Crag
They all had to jump off and get pushing
Benny the gob wasn't chuffed cos they ran out of puff
And sat there pantin' and gaspin' and blushing

Inch by inch they reached the brow of the hill
Then they jumped back on board and held tight
And as it bombed down the slope they just had to hope
That the fire would still be alight

Now Mr Wallace the Polis had seen all the smoke
And had peddled ower there on his bike
He found Lord Prog and his dog just stood there agog
Never ever having seen nowt of the like

They heard the fire engine approaching
Tyres screeching as it rounded the turn
It didn't slow down it drove straight through the gate
And smacked the tractor right into the burn
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