Nobody knew that the carpet was magic
He'd picked it up in some distant bazaar
When he was travelling the world with a circus
As a clown. Are you with me so far?

Now nobody knew of its powers or owt
And Grandpa himself is long gone
In fact we don't even know if he'd give it a go
If he had, well, he'd never let on

You see magic carpets are a tad temperamental
And you need to say 'Alacazam'
But if nobody told you, you'd likely not know
So it just sat on the floor at his Gran's

But its powers passed on to the mitts, wi' the wool
But still no one knew what was what
Until one day last March when young Walter
Put the mitts on to go to the shop

Cos Walter was an apprentice in the garage, you see
In the back lane behind the Co-op
And in keeping with motor-trade traditions
At dinner times got sent to the shop

Now one day his list got blown out of his hand
But don't worry - all the blokes still got fed
  Cos he'd a dead good memory, had Walter
He could recite it off the top of his head

"Ray always has cheese and Duffy has egg,
And a bacon and brown sauce for Jimmy,
And Billy has Spam and Alec-has-ham"
'Course he'd said magic word. Are you wi' me?

I told you, 'Alacazam' was the mystical word
That would bring the magic carpet to life
Or at least it would have had it not been unravelled
To make mitts by some silly old wife

There was a funny sensation occurred in his mittens
Poor Walter was quite overcome
"This is the magic carpet but I'm not promising nowt"
Said a voice from a hole in the thumb

"Oh, Aye?" says young Walter, dubious like
Well, you would if your mitts started talking
It caused quite a stir to poor Walter stood there
And all the folks in the shop stood there gawkin'

"You are my master"said the voice from within
"Just say where you'd like me to fly,
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