Greatrex Newman, Clifford Grey
& Fred Cecil (1933)

  Her name was Ermyntrude,
In a circus she tattooed -
A girl who had designs on ev'ry man;
Until she traced a heart
On the arm of Joseph Smart,
She won him - and they furnished her plain van.
Of course she left the show
The day she married Joe,
The tattoo needle she would `need' no more,
But Joseph, foolish youth,
Soon learned the dreadful truth.
The `Bearded Lady' was his ma-in-law!
All day about the place
He could see that hairy face,
He couldn't dodge it even in the street.
It made him use an oath
To see that stringy growth,
That harvest festival of shredded wheat!
Each day he longed to get
A present from Gillette,
And hand it to the mother of his bride.
'Twas obvious of course
She'd swallowed some poor horse,
And left the tail to dangle just outside.
Joe's bearded ma-in-law
Out-whiskered Bernard Shaw,
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