A SELECTION OF RUTHLESS RHYMES
by
Harry Graham

WINTER SPORTS



The ice upon our pond's so thin
That poor Mamma has fallen in!
We cannot reach her from the shore
Until the surface freezes more.
Ah me, my heart grows weary waiting
Besides, I want to have some skating.



INDIFFERENCE

When Grandmamma fell off the boat,
And couldn't swim (and wouldn't float),
Matilda just stood by and smiled.
I almost could have slapped the child.



PROVIDENCE

Fate moves in a mysterious way,
As shown by Uncle Titus,
Who unexpectedly, one day,
Was stricken with St. Vitus.
It proved a blessing in disguise,
For, thanks to his condition,
He won the Non-Stop Dancing Prize
At Wembley Exhibition.



OBSTINANCY

I Warned poor Mary of her fate,
But she would wed a plumber's mate!
For hours the choir was forced to sing
While he went back to fetch the ring.



L' ENFANT GLACE

When Baby's cries grew hard to bear
I popped him in the Frigidaire.
I never would have done so if
I'd known that he'd be frozen stiff.
My wife said: "George, I'm so unhappe!
Our darling's now completely frappe."



BULL'S-EYE

At rifle-practice on the sands at Deal,
I fired at what I took to be a seal.
When later on I learnt 'twas sister Florrie
And that I'd shot her, I was very sorry.
But still it gratified me just a trifle
To find myself so expert with a rifle,
For, with so large a target as my sister,
I should have been a duffer if I'd missed her.