Jack Warner
Now, you've 'eard talk of civilians a-doin' their bit,
Like air-wardens with tin 'at an' whistle,
Well, tonight I will speak of an uncle of mine,
Called 'Auxiliary Fire Service Cecil.

It seems months ago he 'ad said to my aunt,
'If there's war, I'm a fireman, you bet!'
And auntie replied in a very 'arsh way,
'Don't be barmy, you'll get soakin' wet!'

But my uncles a bit absent minded, y'see,
And his fire drill he always kept fluffin'
One day 'e forgot and walked right up a ladder,
And nearly stepped off... into nothin'!

But that narrow squeak gave 'im confidence, like
'E got saucy without really knowin'
'E'd run up and down ladders in black-outs an' all,
Without lookin' where 'e was goin'.

But my uncle Cecil, 'e just took no notice,
As they say, 'e did not care two 'oots,
'E kept practicin' breaking things up with 'is 'atchet,
As 'e jumped from 'is bed to 'is boots.

And then come the day when 'e got 'is promotion,
Although aunt thought it all seemed quite phony
'E was sent to a village where a very old engine,
Was pulled by a mule and a pony!

Well, 'e didn't mind that, 'cos' 'e'd got 'is promotion,
And the thought of it give 'im a thrill. 
But 'e got quite a shock when a bloke said, ''Ey you...
There's a fire down at our old windmill!

Now, there's windmills and windmills and some are quite small,
And some... are a little bit 'igher.
But I'm talking of one that was ever so different
'Cos' the 'Blue Pencil' thing was on fire!

Well, the mule and the pony was 'avin' their dinner,
As they stood side-by-side in the stall,
So Cecil went orf on 'is own with 'is 'atchet,
The 'ose, the engine an' all!

When 'e got there a very slight breeze 'ad sprung up,
'E was just thinkin' 'ow to begin,
When the sails of the windmill, they started to move...
And one smacked 'im under the chin!

Now, just at that moment, it started to rain,
A real lucky thing, without doubt,
'Cos' what... with the rain and the smack on the chin,
The fire and Our Cecil... went out! 
The end