written & performed by
Jack Warner
I told you last week about Claude and his sword, 
How with generals he would try and swank;
But to-night I must talk of a great friend of mine, 
So I'll speak about Frank and his tank.

When he first joined, the sergeant said, 
'What can you do?' And Frank said, 'Well, all kinds of things. 
I can ride a girls bike, and I play draughts a bit, 
And I've also an auntie who sings.',

Then the sergeant says, 'Well, now we're all satisfied, 
Although I ain't found out a thing;
I ask you a query, and you tell me nothing 
Except that your auntie can sing.'

In a very few words said the sergeant, 
'You're here to help win the war driving tanks.
Would you like to drive one?' Frank said, 'Well, I don't mind.
Says the sergeant, 'That's settled!' Frank said 'Thanks!'

Then they walked out together, tho' not arm in arm, 
To where one of these monsters was stood.
Says the sergeant, 'D'you think you could cope with this 'ere?' 
Frank said, 'If you did-well, I could.'

'After you.' said the sergeant, so Frank hops in first 
In his overalls well-pressed and dapper;
But before the sergeant had got properly settled... 
Frank lets down the lid on his napper.

Then to Frank's great surprise the tank started to move, 
And his hands got all sticky like toffee.
At that moment they got to the officers' mess, 
Where the colonel was just taking coffee.

Well, a tank running wild doesn't think of those things, 
And as Frank started thinking of mother,
The tank pushed its way through the side of the mess
And pushed its way out through the other.

Then Frank said, 'Blue pencil, blue pencil, blue pencil!' 
And his hands were much stickier than toffee.
Besides the unconscious sergeant and the tank running wild,
He had the colonel on top with his coffee!

Well, they went down a ditch and the colonel got off 
'Cause he'd finished his coffee by now;
Then the sergeant come to, and said, 'We going somewhere?' 
Frank says, 'Yes, I think so, and how.'

Then the sergeant shouts out, 'There's a pond over there 
On the far side of that grassy bank.'
So they both hops out quick and let the tank go, 
And when it got to the pond Frank's tank sank.

Frank said, 'Well, I'm sorry, but what could I do? 
I know I said I could do lots of things.'
Said the sergeant, 'There's one thing you'd better do quick, 
That's go back to your auntie what sings!' 
The end