THE CHAP WHO CHOPS THE CHILLIS
by
Jack Warner



Now if you'd lived in days gone by, alongside Ruddy Tower
They'd give you work a-chopping nobs, and pay you by the hour
But strange to say it's changed today, the nobs all keep their nobs
But Charlie, who likes chopping, has now found the best of jobs:

He's the chap who chops the chillis for the chutney
He's the chutney chilli chopper's choice for champ
For he chops them without stopping
Though it's warm work, chilli chopping
And he chances catching chilli choppers' cramp.
Now the day our Charlie wed his Cousin Cora,
Cor! the breakfast was a banquet seldom viewed,
For on every polished platter
Was a pile of spuds and batter
And a chunk of Charlie's Chutney to be chewed.

A PULLER-OUT O' BEE-STINGS
by
Jack Warner

Some people love dumb animals and some, of course, do not,
Which brings me to a friend and to the little job he's got.
A dog, a cat, a parrot he will help if in distress
In his present occupation he's a hero... nothing less:

He's a puller-out o' bee-stings out o' bulldogs
As a bee-sting puller-outer he is tough
But the bee don't get much fun, sir
He can only sting him once, sir,
Though a bulldog reckons once is quite enough.
But the backroom boys are working on the problem
And as science is progressing by degrees
By the time they're on the track with
Something dogs can sting them back with
He'll be a puller-out o' dog-stings out o' bees.

A WHELK UNCURLER IN A FISH BAR
by
Jack Warner

There are lots of funny jobs we never hear of now-a-days,
For folks can get a living in so many funny ways.
Now take old Will, a pal of mine, he earns a decent screw
At a job that's rather funny but quite necessary too:

He's a kind o' whelk uncurler in a fish bar.
He's a whelk unwinder working every day.
He shells whelks as he finds them
And he carefully unwinds them
In case the little brown bit breaks away.
Now whelks don't look like whelks when all in pieces
So they must be handled tenderly, like silks,
And a bar can't do without a
Proper good whelk puller-outer,
That's why Will's working there unwinding whelks.

A LADDER HOLDER-UPPER FOR A PAINTER
by
Jack Warner

When a painter's painting houses he has got to have a mate
Who'll do his little bit below and hold the ladder straight.
He does no work but still he's worth his wages, every bob,
And I know someone working now at this important job:

He's a ladder holder-upper for a painter.
He's a ladder leaner-on'er, that's his trade.
On the bottom rung he huddles
And the painter's legs he cuddles
So the painter chap of falling ain't afraid.
Now a painter ain't an acrobatic tumbler
And if he tumbles down he surely gets a shake
But he's just as safe as houses
If he don't fall through his trousers
While the ladder leaner-on'er keeps awake.