Joe Ramsbottom
by
Marriott Edgar
Lion and Albert
Joe Ramshottom rented a bit of a farm 
From its owner, Squire Goslett his name;
And the Gosletts came over with William the First,
And found Ramsbottoms here when they came.

One day Joe were ploughing his three-acre field
When the front of his plough hit a rock,
And on closer inspection o' t' damage he found
As the coulter had snapped wi' the shock.

He'd got a spare coulter at home in his shed, 
But that were some distance away, 
And he reckoned by t' time he had been there and back
He'd have wasted best part of the day.

The accident 'appened not far from the place
Where the Squire had his sumptuous abode;
He thought he might borrow a coulter from him,
And save going back all that road.

He were going to ask... but he suddenly stopped, 
And he said ' Nay-I'd better not call; 
He might think it cheek I borrowed from him, 
I'd best get my own after all.'

He were going off back when he turned to himself
And said 'That's a gormless idea; 
The land you were ploughing belongs to the Squire,
It were 'is rock as caused all this 'ere!'

This 'eartened Joe up, so he set off again,
But he very soon stopped as before, 
And he said 'Happen Squire'II have comp'ny to tea,
Nay I'd, better go round to t' back.

Then he answered himself in a manner quite stern
And said 'Here's a nice how-de-do!
You can manage without him when all's said and done,
And where would he be without you?'

Joe knew this were right and he knew it were just,
But he didn't seem happy somehow, 
So he said 'Well, there's no harm in paying a call,
And I needn't say owt about plough.'

This suggestion that he were afraid of the Squire
Were most deeply resented by Joe; 
He said 'Right! I'll show you... I'll go up at once,
At the worst he can only say 'No.''

He said, 'P'raps you think yourself better than me, 
Well, I'm telling you straight that you're not
And I don't want your coulter... your plough or your farm,
You can do what you like with the lot.'
The end