( Blackpool Tower gets a lick of
gold paint for its centenary...
John Bilsborough

  That famous seaside place called Blackpool
Is still noted for fresh air and fun.
Every year there's a meeting of't Council,
Deciding what has to be done.
So, one day they had Grand Special Meeting,
'Cos they'd done all the year-end accounts
And they found they'd a few bob left over -
It weren't a breath-taking amount,
But enough for a bottle of Brasso,
For't mayor's chain, and some bulbs for the Lights,
And an advert in't evening paper:
"Wanted - painters with good head for heights.
Paint provided, and payment per so much,
Per square foot per person, per hour,
Times altitude (angle plus distance),
Apply, Monday morning, at Tower."
It were Great Uncle Jack got the job, like,
And Harry, who said, with a frown:
"Right, where are we going to start, then?"
"Start at top" says Jack, "work us way down."
"No" says Harry, "I'll start at the bottom,
And paint uppards, and you go to't top
And paint downwards, or t'other way round, like,
Then we'll meet in the middle and stop.
Or we both start at bottom and take a side each,
And we'll paint up to't sharp end, and then,
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