donning my new mayoral robes; the old ones, as you know, were very badly torn during the rush after the fire at the Brewery last year. Now it is her Ladyship's wish that the hospital should be as comfortable as possible, and both draught and bottle beer will be served in the observation ward during the usual licence hours, and out-patients will be admitted on payment of a small fee. Her Ladyship particularly wishes the younger generation to co-operate with her in keeping the hospital as quiet and peaceful as possible, and she wishes all young people to refrain from throwing stones at the operating-theatre windows during the times of operation, and to facilitate this she is arranging for a red light to appear over the porch when operating is in progress ; so when you see the light—no stones, if you please.
I may say that the dietary of the hospital will be of the finest, and I am myself supplying a choice line of tinned salmon which, ladies and gentlemen, it may interest you to know, I am selling at my Emporium in the High Street at the very low price of 7d. and 5d. per tin, pink and red, whichever you prefer. It was early in my career as a Grocerian that I realized that tinned salmon is to the Grocery Industry what gold is to the Mint, and I look back on the day when I realized this fact as the day when I first put my rung on the ladder that climbs up the feet of success, and
  as you know, I have spent a lot of time studying the habits and habitants of this succulent and elusive denizen of the deep in its river haunts, and I should like to take this opportunity of announcing that the nasty rumours that have been going about to the effect that my holiday in Dartmoor last year was for any other purpose, are, like this hospital, entirely without foundation. But it was in the frozen North, a prey to icebergs and starfish, that I obtained the finest specimens of this rare food. Equipped with a diving apparatus, I searched the bed of the ocean for many years; the longest time I spent under water was eight months, and by this you may gain some idea of the years of peril and perseverance that have built up the finest Grocery Emporium in Little Dipsworthy, where this elusive succulent denizen of the deep may be purchased in handy form, both pink and red, at the very reasonable figure of 7d. and 5d. per tin. You may think, ladies and gentlemen, that I am alluding too much to my own business on this auspicious occasion, but in the absence of a foundation-stone, you must admit that it is rather difficult for me to say anything definite about the hospital.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I feel I must strike a sterner note, and in my capacity of Mayor it is my very painful duty to protest very strongly against the
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