shore one morning, opposite the hotel, and he was using a crushing instrument, and unfortunately he missed the shore altogether and struck his foot, and his description of the monster was so vivid and comprehensive, that the minister from the local kirk overheard him from the hotel and reported him, and the Inverness Town Council dismissed him. The job was vacant and" I got it—which is rather interesting. Of course, it is the duty of the official guide to stimulate the interest of the visitors, and so two or three times a week I go down to the shore in front of one of the hotels that wasn't doing so well, and take a telescope with me—look out into the centre of the Loch and wait until a crowd is collected and then say, "Ah, so the monster has two heads," and go back into the hotel. And then, of course, from the visitors who came from the other hotels to that hotel I drew commission, and that was equally divided between the Monster, the Inverness Town Council and myself, which was rather a happy sort of arrangement. I had one rather difficult situation. There was a lady in the hotel called Miss Curruthers—the rest of the guests called her the Loch Ness Spinster— she was very interested in the Monster, and kept asking me the most ridiculous questions about it. And one day she said to me in the lounge of the hotel, "Are you interested in spirits?" so I thought it was rather a   funny thing to ask me, so I said, "Yes, I am." Then she said, " Well, if you come up to my room, I've got a bottle." Well, when I got up to her room, I sat down, and the first thing she asked me was, "Do you know anything about Ancient Greek history?" I thought that was rather a peculiar thing to ask me. I said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I do, Miss Curruthers," and so she said, "Well, if you remember, in Ancient Greece when a monster attacked a city they took a maiden and tied her to a post outside the city walls and the monster came and carried her off." So I could see which way the conversation was drifting, so I said, "Well, Miss Curruthers, yes, I dare say they did in Ancient Greece, but it is really rather dangerous; I mean anything might happen," and she said, "Yes, that's just it." And so then she said, "Would you consider taking me down to the shores of the Loch and tying me to a post and capturing the monster that way?" And so I said, "If you are really bent on it, Miss Curruthers, I will." Of course, I had heard she had been captured by savages twice, and still very much the same. And so that evening at six o'clock she turned up on the shores of the Loch, and I tied her to a post, and after a little time there was a swirl in the water and the Monster came to the surface. He took one look at her and dived back into the Loch, and he wasn't seen up that end for some time. And it was
Continue Return