after this that I actually got into communication with the Monster. It was very interesting. I was walking along the shores of the Loch late one evening, when I heard a noise coming from the centre of the Loch—a sort of, "par-par-pee. . . par-par-pee. . . par-pee-par. . ." Of course, I have been in the Scouts and was highly trained in Morse, and I immediately recognized the Morse Code, and translated the message. It was, " Monster calling the British Isles. Monster calling the British Isles." So I wrapped out a message in reply, " par-par-pee . . . par-par-pee . . . par-pee . . . par-pee-par." I said, " I am waiting here, what shall I do ? " There was a swirl in the water and the Monster came to the surface, and he looked at me and started talking Morse very quickly. I translated the message, and it was that he-was very pleased and happy in the Loch, but unfortunately he took great exception to the Andromeda incident, and he said, "I am very annoyed about the whole thing." He said, " I think it is very unfair of the Inverness Town Council. My wife has taken up a very nasty attitude about it, and I am telling you that if this happens again I am going straight off to Barking Creek." So I assured him that it wouldn't happen again, and he was more or less peaceful after that. And I said to him, " Well, Monster, how is it that you speak Morse so fluently ? " and he explained to me that they used to live in the bottom   of the Atlantic, and in the winter evenings, when there wasn't very much to do, he used to listen in to the Atlantic cable, and he learnt Morse that way. " And that's why I speak Morse with an American accent." So I said, " Do you still live in the Atlantic ? " and he said, " Well, no. As a matter of fact my wife's health is not what it should be ; she got some sort of bronchial trouble, and we moved into the Mediterranean, but she was so upset with the Luxury Cruises that she said she could never go to the surface without blushing." But they heard that Loch Ness was vacant and moved up there. And he said he had three children. They are at a finishing school in the Gulf of Mexico, and won't be coming up till the next spring. And there was one thing he told me. He was very distressed to find so very few people really believed in him, and he said, " When you go to London, I wonder if you would ask your audiences whether they really believe in me ? " And I promised him I would. So I am going to ask you now. Do you really believe in the Loch Ness Monster ? And if you do, please lift your hands, your right hands—above your heads. Now do you believe in the Loch Ness Monster ? One . . . two . . . three . . . four . . . five . . . let's make it the round half-dozen ... six . . . a little higher please . . . six . . . Yes, that's excellent. I will go straight home and tell him.
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