Gordon Kerr-Smith
Gordon Kerr-Smith
Illustrations by D. Ferguson
The Gunpowder Plot's a sad story
Of Guy Fawkes, who muffed 'is attempt
To alter political thinking
By blowin' up Parliament.

The 'istory books paint 'im as t' villain,
A rogue who were up to no good;
But t' poor lad were really just scapegoat,
And very much misunderstood.

It 'appened like this. - One October,
With no bi-elections in sight,
Some candidates, fed up of waitin' for seats,
Decided to use dynamite.

They met in pub parlour in secret,
And plotted that time would be right
To set off t' explosion, unnoticed,
On November Fifth - Bonfire Night! 

They reasoned, quite smart, as it 'appened,
That what with all t' fireworks and such,
T' explosion would pass quite unheeded,
And no-one would care very much.

A problem were straight away met with;
For though on t' plan all were agreed,
They each found they'd previous engagement
On t' night for performin' the deed.

Then leader banged table wi' ale mug,
And said in a menacing voice,
'If nobody's willin', then t' fixture
Is cancelled; we've no other choice!'

Just the entered landlord's apprentice,
A dull, strong lad, -- Guy Fawkes by name.
'E'd 'eard ale mug bangin' on t' table,
And bringin' more beer, in 'e came. 

Seein' t' lad gave t' head plotter idea
As how foul deed yet might get done.
'E beckoned youth over and whispered,
'Like to earn fifty sovereigns, son?'

Well, t' lad nigh on swallered 'is tonsils
When 'e 'eard what chief plotter 'ad said.
The amount were like coppin' on t' Lott'ry,
And t' thought of it faired turned 'is 'ead!

So t' rogues led 'im on wi' a promise
That riches galore 'e would own
For simply deliv'rin' some barrels
Of wine to a place 'e'd be shown.

Then t' plotters swore Guy Fawkes to silence,
Sayin' t' wine recipe were brand new,
And they didn't want no-one to pinch it,
So it 'ad to be kept out of view.

To keep wine secure while maturin',
And stop it from comin' to 'arm,
They gave t' lad a rope to set light to,
Which they told 'im were t' burglar alarm.

On t' night Guy did just as they'd shown 'im,
And soon 'ad kegs stacked fair and square
In t' cellars of some vast great buildin'
Bein' dark, 'e'd not noticed quite where.

'E were fixin' t' alarm just as ordered,
'Is last job before getting' clear,
When a Copper appeared right be'ind 'im,
And said, grim-like, 'Wots all is 'ere?'

It were fair cop, though Guy were bewildered,
'Is visage came over perplexed.
'E could think of nowt in 'is be'aviour
To get a policeman so vexed.

'E were marched off with 'aste to a dungeon,
And very soon put up on trial,
But when 'e told Court 'ow it 'appened,
'Is story raised 'ardly a smile.

Not one of the Jury believed 'im,
And t' Judge soon put on 'is black 'at,
Saying, 'Treason's a thing we're not 'avin',
Its t' gallows for you, and that's that!'

Summin'up, Judge said, 'Shame you took money,
That's t' one thing I'm puzzled about,
For the way this lot's shovin' up taxes,
I'd 'ave blown ruddy lot up for nowt!'
The end