COSMO, THE FAIRLY ACCURATE
KNIFE-THROWER

by Les Barker

Roll up, roll up... cried the Ringmaster
See the man on the flying trapeze
The one we've just fitted with elastic
That's him, over there... in the trees.

"Where's Cosmo, the fairly accurate knife thrower?"
The girl with the baby said
Her name was Lucille, they knew Cosmo'd know her
She still had a knife in her head.

"He's back there in the procession." said the Ringmaster
Pointing to an old, half timbered Morris
It's Cosmo, the fairly accurate knife thrower
And his lovely assistant, Doris.

Lucille stormed up to him in anger
Gave him the baby, he didn't resist
Shamed by the memory of the night she conceived
He'd aimed for her sister... and missed.

Little did she know that the child Cosmo gained
On that morning's Morris Traveller ride
  Would become the world famous stunt man
'Evil Shameevil' and his Yammershitty 1- 2- 5

He grew up a child of the circus
Rode the Big Dipper, The Dodgems, The Ghost Train
With 'Cosmo, The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower'
And his lovely assistant, Elaine.

Once upon a time, they kept marine mammals
But everyone was agin' it
And now the pool stands empty
There isn't any porpoise in it.

Evil set the animals free
'Cos that's what he knew they would wish
You can't keep animals in cages, these days
And it never worked that well with the fish.

And soon he was the star of the circus
The Morris Traveller still travelling on
With 'Cosmo, The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower'
And his lovely assistant, Yvonne.

Poor Cosmo was on the decline
He was hitting the 'Boddingtons' Loopy Juice
And in one afternoon... hit two lovely assistants
Fourpassers by and a migrating Canada Goose.
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