on a pig, and a spare one we've got in the fridge.
When I look at the six, I think of the number of votes Norway have got in the entire history of the Eurovision Song Contest.
When I look at the seven, I think of the Ten Commandments.
When I see the eight, I think of the number of trotters on a pig, cos I've just ate 'em.
When I think of the nine, I think of the number of trotters there would be on three horses if they were all pigs and had a leg missing.
When I look at the ten, I think of the number of Lords a-leaping some swine left on the doorstep after Christmas.
And when I see the Jack, I think of the number of trotters on a pig if it's left overnight in a car park in Brixton.
When I see the Queen, I think perhaps I'm in the wrong bus queue.
And when I see the king, I think: What's Elvis doing working in Tesco?
And when I see the four suits, it reminds me how many suits I'd have in the wardrobe if I had another four, and a wardrobe.
When I add up the number of cards, it comes to fifty-two, the number of weeks in the last half of last year and the first half of this year.
  There are twelve picture cards, the number of eyebrows on six armadillos.
When I add up the spots, it comes to three hundred and sixty five, and I am reminded of a small bottle of Thousand Island dressing.
So you see, my deck of cards serves me as both a bauble and an Armagnac.
And folks, this story's true; I know; I read it in the Sun.


Continue Return