Lesley Gordon

  The school report of Sarah Small
Was 'Late or absent' - not at all
'Politeness' - average for her sex
And 'Conduct' - Excellent (marked Ex)
'An earnest student,' wrote Miss Mirk
'Of drawing and art needlework
Has never merited detention.'
But what her mistress didn't mention
When filling up the Fourth Form sheets
Was Sarah's love of sucking sweets.

For Toffee'd crunch and furtive lick
Accompanied arithmetic
And every algebraic sum
Was solved with aid of chewing-gum
While chocolate drops grew quickly fewer
With English Literature
And during drill and Swedish jerks
There shot into Sarah's works
With almost automatic pops
A well timed hail of acid drops.

Surprising it may seem to those
Who have not tried a daily dose
That study of the consonant
Is greatly helped by creme-de-menthe
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