most outrageous limerick of all, I guess, is one attributed
Dylan Thomas, of all people.
He certainly loved to quote it.
There was an old bugger called God,
who got a young virgin in pod.
This disgraceful behaviour
begot Christ our Saviour,
who was nailed to a cross, poor old sod.
There was a young man from Devizes,
whose ears were two different sizes.
The first was so small
it was no use at all
but the other won hundreds of prizes.
There was a young girl from Nantucket
who kept all her cash in a bucket,
till the day sister Nan
ran away with a man -
and as for the bucket, Nantucket
An undergrad up at St John's
Attempted to bugger the swans,
But the kindly old porter
Said, "Please take my daughter,
These birds are reserved for the dons."
And a couple from 'Dirk Dogstoerd'
There was a young lady named Gloria
Who was had by Sir Gerald DuMaurier
And another ten men
And Sir Gerald again
And the band from the Waldorf Astoria.
There was a young man of Tralee
Who was stung in the neck by a wask
When they said 'Does it hurt?'
He said 'No, not a bit,
It can do it again if it likes!'
I read somewhere that the 'Tralee' one was attributed to
Mr. George Bernard Shaw,
apparently somewhat contemptuous of the form; or maybe he wasn't
able to compose
a 'proper' one that satisfied him: it's not by any means easy!
Anyway, there is a similar one by Sir W S Gilbert, who also used
several times in his collaborations with Sir Arthur Sullivan: (Grandpappy)
There was an old man of St Bees
Who was horribly stung by a wasp.
When they said:'Does it hurt?'
He replied:'No, it doesn't-
It's a good job it wasn't a hornet!'
There was a young man of Porthcawl
Who thought he was Samson or Saul
These thoughts so obscure
Were due to the brewer
And not to his ego at all.
A psychic young lady from Epsom
Who was highly magnetic and pepsom
Exerted her power
One day in the Tower
Drew out the Crown Jewels and kepsom.
There was a brave girl from Connecticut
Who flagged the express with her pecticut
Which her elders defined
As presence of mind
But deplorable absence of ecticut.
While Titian was mixing Rose Madder
His model lay posed on a ladder
Her position to Titian
So he climbed up the ladder and 'adder
From 'Blarney Ballads' Birmingham
There was a young pupil named Kevin,
Who went to a school in south Devon.
He wasn't too bright
So they called him "Midnight,"
And his brother was "Half-Past-Eleven."
A coal merchant fellow from Hacking
Sent one of his carriers packing.
When someone asked, "Why?"
This was his reply:
"I gave him the sack for slacking.
O Rafferty fell from a ladder
On top of his head on an adder.
The fall that he had
Made him feel bad
But the adder bite made him feel badder.
There was an old scholar at Kings
Whose mind dwelt on heavenly things
His only desire Was a boy in the choir
With an arse like a jelly on springs