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Limericks
 
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PAGE 6 - FLAVIA'S SELECTION
 
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When Nelly Gwyn fainted one day
King Charles picked her up in dismay
But Mary of Modina
Said, "Do stop prodina
There's a new Royal Duke on the way."

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There was a young lady called Melanie
Whose affairs were a thorough miscellany
Certain tales of her talents
Put people off balance
So I don't think I really should tell any.

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A gramophone buff from Djakarta
Was, in love, an extremely slow starter
Because, it would seem
That he worked to the theme
Of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

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A young ballet dancer named Francis
Does spectacular splits when she dances
Not a kind of an antic
I think is romantic
In fact, it endangers her chances.

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The ladies who come from Antigua
Have a really remarkable figua
The girls from St Kitts
Are much better developed
But it doesn't depend on how bigua.

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Prince Albert, though no politician
Had a sense of industrial mission
Once a girl did a curtsey
Leaving so much of her to see
He invented the Great Exhibition.

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In Florence a tourist from Como
Chased a begger man all round the Duomo
He said, "For a tumble
Be it ever so humble
There really is no place like homo".

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There was a young lady from Kansas
Who thought that she knew all the answers
Till a young man from Delaware
Took her into the cellar where
There was room to develop his chances.

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A worried school teacher named Potts
Said, "I've failed to convince tiny tots
Again and again
That division by ten
Means just moving those damn little dots."

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A computer designer from Crewe
Used to progarm his girl friend to woo
Her D.P. And I.O.
Were inclined to be slow
But she had a superb CPU.

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I aim to deny that Italians
Are a nation of thieving rapscallions
But perhaps I should own
They're exceedingly prone
To salami, Chanti and dalliance.

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There was a young man from Toronto
Who was half of a horse in a panto
He said, "I'm behind
But I don't really mind
I can sit down whenever I want to.

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An inveterate sinner named Murray
Remarked, "I'm beginning to worry
I know I'm depraved
And I want to be saved
But please, Lord, I'm not in a hurry."

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King Arthur said, "Look at this tale
On page one of the Lyonesse Mail
About you and Sir Lancelot
Liking to dance a lot
Are you quite sure he's seeking the Grail?"

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There was a young lady of Delos
Who purposely put on ten kilos
She said, "I've in mind
A much larger behind
To improve on the Venus de Milo's."

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There was a young fellow from Lyons
Who chose a large lamppost to pyons
A lady from Brest
Said, "I'm very impressed
Could you tell me which evenings you're freeons?"

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On a maiden a man once begat
Bouncing triplets named Nat, Tatt and Pat
‘Twas fun in the breeding
But hell in the feeding
She hadn’t a spare tit for Tatt.

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To a fancy dress ball at Nathalia
Went a girl in the guise of a dahlia
Her petals fell off
Causing women to scoff
But the men didn’t think her a failure.

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An eccentric old pearler of Broome
Kept a young female ape in his room
“She reminds me, “he said
“Of a woman who’s dead.”
But he wouldn’t say why, how, or whom.

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There was a young lady from Tottenham
Who'd no manners, or else she'd forgottenham
While at tea at the vicars
She took off her knickers
Because, she explained, she felt 'ottenham

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A girl from the French town Verdun
Flattened her boyfriend in fun
Saying, "Don't worry kid,
That's for nothing you did
It's for something I dreamt that you'd done."

 
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