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BLACK PUDDIN'S
by
Mike Dempsey

Now Sam 'ad a passion for 'Black Puddin's'
Munchin' 'em near every day,
He'd munch one wi' 'is cornflakes and one wi' 'is lunch
And two more at four, wi' 'is tay.

Just imagine 'is grief and frustration
When 'e read in t'Express o' th'intent
Of the 'European Economic Community'
To ban 'em from sale... t'story went!

'E decided as 'ow it weren't proper
That these men in striped suits and black shoes
Could tell 'im what to eat for 'is breakfast
So 'e'd fight 'em... he'd nothin' to lose.

'E wrote to 'is Member of Parliament
And 'e waited... but got no reply
So 'e took 'imself off to London
And 'e wore 'is best suit an' a tie.

Sam walked past t'policeman at t'Commons
Who just nodded at Sam in a trance
T'bobby thought 'e were t'member for Rochdale
They looked so much alike at first glance.

Sam walked an' 'e walked, turning left and then right
For an hour... or possibly more
Whereupon 'earing a rowdy commotion
'E stopped and pushed open a door.

Sam strolled into t'chamber amid all the noise
And sat down on a green leather seat
T' commotion got louder and louder
As t' Prime Minister got to 'is feet.

"The state of t' economy's nowt like as bad
As them opposite's wishin' to make it
And if t' member for Finchley shouts 'Resign!' one more time
Her advice, well... I think I might take it!"

Sam soon 'ad enough o' these rantings
And t' arguments going round and around
So 'e got to 'is feet and 'e started to speak
But Speaker told Sam to sit down.

"The blood and the guts of this once proud nation
Are under attack... if you'll pardon the pun
From those foreigners sproutin' in Brussels..." Sam said
"And I'll not sit down 'til I've done.

"They're threatenin' to cut off me' puddin's
Or at least they're wantin' 'em banned
But I can't safeguard t' puddin's all on me own
I'll need you lot to give me an 'and.

The honourable member for Aylesbury
Stood up and took rupturous applause
Showing 'is support for the 'ouse as 'e spoke up
For Sam's most commendable cause.

One by one they all gave their opinions
Each one o' them speaking in turn
And the general concensus o' opinion were
That there'd been a general lack o' concern.

So, the P.M. thanked Sam an' promised as 'ow
'E'd soon set things right wi' t' E.C.
An' 'e'd tell all those Frenchies in Brussels
To 'Black Puddin's'... they'd better say Oui...!!!

So Sam bid farewell to London
And t' P.M. said, "Now Sam, don't thee fret,
And next time you're down here, pop in for a cuppa."
Sam said as 'e wouldn't forget.

And will there be 'Black Puddin's' still for tea?" questioned Sam
Givin' Prime Minister a smile at the door
"There certainly will be..." said t' P.M. wi' a grin
"There'll be 'Black Puddin's for evermore!!

 
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