Mike Dempsey
Wakes week in Bolton, were alus in June
When t' factories and t' shops all shut down
Wi' t' wind blowin' cold and t' rain lashin' 'ard
On t' stray dogs as were alus around.

But this year were different, for Sam and his wife
And for kids an' all... they were fain
'Cos they'd saved up their money since last Christmas gone
And flown off for a fortneet in Spain.

T' Costa Brava were grand at this time of the year
And t' sun shone from morning 'til neet
They just lay on t'beach in their cossies
And let t' ocean wash sand o'er their feet.

Now Sam, 'e were Chapel and didn't take a drink
But they'd got in wi' some folks from Chorley
Who'd insisted that Sam shared a bottle of wine
And Sam 'e were tempted... sorely!

So off t' bodega strolled Sam, in the sun
A red 'ankie tied tight round 'is 'ead
A red towel tied loose round 'is shoulders
And 'is knee length, shorts... aye, they were red!

Sam pushed open t' door of t' bodega
And 'e looked all around and about
And there were 'is new friends from Chorley
Suppin' wine from a jug wi' a spout.

T' bar were crammed fair full of Spaniards
There weren't a spare inch on the floor
'Cos today were the day of the Bullfight
At the local Corrida... next door.

His chums shouted, "Sam, come and join us."
And they shouted to t' waiter, "More wine!"
And it weren't very long before Sam were firm friends
Wi' Bacchus... the God of the vine.

Suddenly, t'bar started to empty
All that wine 'ad robbed Sam of his sense
'Cos 'e followed t' crowd into t' Corrida
'E thought they were all goin' to t' gents.

T' sunlight hit Sam, right between t' eyes
And 'e felt his knees start to give way
Then 'ead o'er 'eels 'e tumbled down t' steps
And the Spaniards all shouted, "Ole!!"

'E got to 'is feet then 'e stumbled again
And t' crowd really thought it were grand
Sam felt 'is legs fail as 'e fell over t' rail
And 'e landed in t' bullring, in t' sand.

Now t' bull's name were Oswald and scared, though 'e was
At the fate, surely 'is... before night
'E walked straight up to Sam an' 'e looked 'im in th' eye
But Sam were in no mood for a fight.

'E shoved both of 'is 'ands in 'is pockets
And 'e smiled and felt pleased as punch
When 'e pulled out a pair of Black Puddin's
As 'is wife 'ad packed up for 'is lunch.

Oswald stood snortin' an' gruntin'
And diggin' 'is 'ooves in the sand
So Sam offered 'im one o' t' Black Puddin's
'E 'eld it right out in 'is 'and.

Oswald smelled it... then licked it... then swallowed it whole
'E were fain of some food, I dare say
'Cos 'e'd 'ad a bit of an 'eadache
And 'e adn't felt like eatin', all day.

Oswald soon realised as Sam meant 'im no 'arm
And their thoughts were both on t' same track
So, 'e lowered 'is 'ead and with one mighty leap
Sam landed astride Oswald's back.

The bull walked round t' ring at a slow, steady pace
In the scorchin' 'ot heat of the day
Sam took off 'is towel and wafted 'is face
And the Spaniards all shouted, "Ole!!"

T' crowd all jumped up an' they clapped an' they cheered
And then all of them started to shout
And Sam scratched 'is 'ead in bewilderment, like
'E couldn't see what all t' fuss were about.

Well they gave t' bull as a present to Matador Sam
For t' best sport they'd all 'ad in years
But t' purists among 'em, well... they weren't best pleased
'Cos t'Matador usually only got th' ears

And now down in Bolton just off t' Chorley road
When you're down there you'll probably spy
Oswald and Sam sat together in t' park
Sharin' Black Puddin' and Cow-Heel pie!
The end