"We'll have to cut a hole in it," said father
"His voice is getting quite weak
It's a shame to waste a good condom
But we have paid full board for him for week"
So they cut a hole in the condom
With the saw that they used on the bread
But tug as they would it were no flipping good
It were stuck like gum to his head

"The fire brigade'll have to be sent for
I'm right proper blazing" said Dad
"Next time poke a lion with a stick or summat
We can claim on insurance for that"
Fireman came and soon snipped it away
Pa gave them two bob for their trouble
They were laughing that much they crashed the fire truck
And reduced ‘Pig and Manic Depressive' to rubble.

"Well all's well that ends well" Said Mother
"That may well be," father said "but...
It were last one we had and we're here for the week
And all the pigging chemists are shut!"
Now moral to draw from this story
Is to lock up your drawers when you're out
Cos if you've got a child like daft Albert
You may find yourself going without!
  Send
' ALBERT AND THE CONDOM '
to a friend

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