boss. And then I saw a mate of mine, Nobby Carr.
He said, 'Mike, come on a have a drink in Yates' Wine Lodge.'
I said, 'Nobby, I got to go to the pet shop.'
'The pet shops are open all day, don't worry about it."
So, of course, we went into Yates' Wine Lodge giving six-nowt, plenty of capneb, elbow-bending, milk of amnesia, doom booze, goodnight mother, the Martians have landed. In two hours time, I'm in no pain at all.
Now what I didn't know was that a bloke had come in and was stood at the side of us drinking and he had an identical Woolies bag. He puts his bag down, has a few bevvies and goes out with my bag, leaving me with a 14lb oven-ready turkey, in a Woolco carrier bag. Well, I picked it up and thought that it had gone heavy, but I thought maybe that it was just the drink weakening me. So I went into this pet shop, there's nobody about and I put it on the counter and started talking to the animals. 'Hello, rabbits, hello, piranha fish. Have a rabbit, piranha fish.' .And then in came the shopkeeper.
'What do you want pal?' he asked.
'I want a budgie exactly like that one in the bag.'
"There's a dead budgie in that bag belonging to my girl friend. I've got to get her another one for
  Christmas, Get it changed. Exactly like that one.' He looked in the bag, looked up, just shook his head, and didn't say very much apart from, 'Exactly like this one?'
'We've got a right head-banger here,' he thought.
He went into the back of the shop and what I didn't know, of course, was that in the back he had 3000 turkeys that he had been fattening up for Christmas. And he went into the centre of this big pile of turkeys and pulled out the Al Capone of them all. It had a wing span of 12ft. He jammed it in the Woolco bag and sellotaped all the top up so that I couldn't see it. Sold it to me for £25.
Well, I got hold of the bag and it was jumping all over the place, this muttering bulk. I said, 'It's a lively bugger, this.'
'Oh aye,' he said, 'you'll get your mileage out of that.'
I went out of the shop and the turkey had kicked its legs out of the bag and it was leading me down the street. Well, I went in this pub for a few bevvies on the way home and this turkey is walking round kicking the landlord's dog and there's blokes looking at it, putting their drinks down and saying, 'That's it. That's the last drink I have. No more booze for me. I've just seen a Woolies carrier bag walking past kicking the landlord's dog.'
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