wasn't a budgie. And I got it out of the cage with a sink plunger and I thought I would take it back down and find the bloke and get it changed again. Then maybe I'll be back in Pog Mahone's good books.
So I get it out with the sink plunger, bung it in the bag and offski. On the way I met Nobby again and he said, `Mike, where are you going?'
'I've got to go round to the pet shop and knock him up,' I said.
`Well,' said Nobby, `he's not in, He boozes in 'The Dog and Dilemma' over there. We'll go in there and we'll sit down and have a few beers and he'll be in in a bit.'
`Okay,'I said. But he wasn't there.
So we were sitting down having a few beers and playing a game of crib....
And I'm sat there and this turkey is between my legs below the seat.
The turkey by now has just about had enough. It's been up and down Manchester in a Woolies carrier bag. It's been shoved in a wire vest, not fed, left for hours on end, been vaselined, brick-hammered and sink-plunged and it's pigsick, it's in the bag and I'm playing cards and it thinks, "That's enough.' Bump ... straight out of the bag, rips the top off, sticks its head right out between my legs - poking out like a periscope, looking round, going, `Gobble, gobble, gobble...'
  There's this little old lady sat next to me.
And she sees the turkey and says, 'Oooh! Look, Vera ... this bloke here ... he's got his "Oh be joyful" out!'
`Well,' says Vera, 'when you've seen one, you've seen them all.'
I know, but this one's eating my crisps and winkin' at me!!'


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