Mike Harding

  It was Christmas eve in the Pig and Ballbearing
The usual gang were there,
Pouring meths in the Vino Collapso
And Brasso in their bitter beer.

There was Pick the nose Albert from Burnley
Who talked with a terrible limp
And squint eyed Lilly the budgie rustler
Who had teeth like a mouthfull of dimps.

Baldheaded Mable was ticklin the ivories
And playin the piano as well
Till the lid came down on her hand with a bang
And we laughed like merry hell.

We were full of the Christmas spirits that night
Singing the Christmas songs
While outside the streets were thick with snow
And the usual bone works pong.

Then into the room came a tattered old tramp
"Merry Christmas to you all" he crooned
And he staggered to the bar like a man possessed
And fell head first into the spittoon.

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