NAPOLEON'S RETREAT
FROM WIGAN

by
Mike Harding

  It was on the plains of Irlam
In the year of 1815
Napoleon was sat in his long-johns
Suppin Brasso wi' Josephine.

He'd chewed his nails to the very quick
So he chewed 'em down ter the slow
He were chewin very hard, when up the back yard
Came a corporal, his nose all aglow.

'Hey bierd mon Capitane' he cried
'Sacred bleu, mor da lore, parlez vooks'
And Boney spat out a big lump of nail
And said, 'Bugger me whats to do?'

'Ze lads ave just cum back from ze wigan' said corporal
'Nous played um at ze billiards last night
'But ze Wigan lads cheated and give us wobbly cues
'And sewed all ze pockets up tight.

'And they put lard ont' chalk and glue on nous balls
And stuffed up our wellies wi barbed wire
'Then they bunged up our muskets wi parkin,
'So we couldn't get the buggers to fire.

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