Mike Harding

In a place in the north called bacup
An owd lad called Noah did dwell
Where he bred up wrestlin' maggots
Which to fishin' lads he would sell

One day he were trainin' two big uns
By aid of a rope and a plank
'Ow to grab fish by t'scruff of their necks
An' chuck 'em up onto t'bank

He'd just showed one the Half-Nelson
When a puff of smoke appeared
And an angel came out of the coalhouse
And shook old Noah by t'beard

"'Ow do!" said th'angel to Noah
"I've come with a message for thee
There's gooin' to be floods in a fortneet!"
And Noah said "Well, bugger me!"

"It's the Lord" said the angel, "He's proper upset,
He thinks as how t'Worlds gone so wicked
  As he's sending flood waters forty foot deep"
Noah thought (That'll bugger up t'cricket)

"But seein' as how you've a way like with pets
He wants you to build a big ark.
He's sending the wood up by Pickfords,
They'll leave it near t'bandstand in t'park"

When Noah went to t'bandstand next Sunday
A reet old row got a-goin'
'Cos Buiscuit Works Band said he hammered so loud
It were putting 'em off all their blowin'.

Course, everyone laughed at poor Noah
As he struggled by day and by neet
And he had to ring God up and ask him four times
"What's a cubitt in inches and feet?"

When he'd done and his ark were all ready
It stretched from t'bandstand to t'swings
So he went back home for a flask of hot cocoa
His wife and his water-wings

Now he'd put an advert in t'paper
Sayin' "Animals wanted for trip",
Continue Return