And so she packed 'er pension book and 'er 'Ula 'Oop and 'er roller skates
And together with Lot and 'is son and 'is son's wife
They left the twin cities of Sodom and Gomorrah at quarter to twelve
Just as the 'eavens opened and God dropped his big balls of fire out of the sky.
One fell right on t' gasworks and the other 'it the pie and peas shop up the road.

And as they skated out of the city of Sodom
They saw a red glow in the sky before them.
"I must look back," said Lot's wife.
"Nay," he said, "Look not back else dire prognostications will befall thee."
"Nay," she said, "I must look back," she said,
"Them Arkwrights at 32 will be t' first to get it, dirty buggers.
An before Lot could stop 'er , lo, she 'ad looked back
And bang, smoke , she were turned into five foot two of Sifta Salt.

Well, Lot skated on out of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah
On across the plains of Irlam toward Wigan.
And after forty days and twentyone and an 'alf nights
Wandering in the deserts of Wigan.
  'e sat 'imself down in the shade of a plastic palm tree left behind by Cecil B. De Mille
and 'e began to weep
and the tears rolled down 'is cheeks as the rain from 'eaven.
"Weep not, Father," said 'is daughter, "for I will make thee a gradely pan of chips,
'cos," she said, " I've got five pounds of Edwards stuck down the leg of me tights."
She said, "It made roller skating a bit 'ard at first," she said, "But I've got 'em now."

And she cooked 'im a gradely pan o' chips and put a plate of chips on Lot's lap.
And Lot still wept and the tears rolled down 'is cheeks as the rain from 'eaven
And his daughter spake unto 'im and said, "Father, why weepest thou ?"
"Oh," he said, "I wish thy mother were 'ere."
"'Ow is that ?" said the daughter,"For thou liketest 'er not when she was alive
and gave 'er knuckle butty and finger pie." she said

"Nay," he said, "I wish thy mother were 'ere, I can't stand chips without bloody salt !"
Continue Return